Having it All
by Lorilozz
Summary: Nathan Scott is living his dream. He has the perfect family and the perfect career… but sometimes he wonders if he has to sacrifice one for the other. Juggling the important things in his life isn’t easy but he’s determined to have it all.


**Title:** Having it all

**Summary:** Nathan Scott is living his dream. He has the perfect family and the perfect career… but sometimes he wonders if he has to sacrifice one for the other. Juggling the important things in his life isn't easy but he's determined to have it all.

**Author's Note:** This was written for the James Lafferty board celebration over at FanForum. Thanks to everyone who assisted me with this one shot. I really appreciate it.

* * *

Such tiny little fingers. Everything about her was so tiny. Of course he'd been amazed by how small Jamie was from the day of his birth and even through to his eighth birthday just weeks ago he still wondered how he and Haley had created this amazing little person, but Camilla – or Cami as she was known - was even smaller than her brother had been at sixteen months. Sometimes it was scary knowing they were responsible for shaping the life of the tiny, helpless little girl in his arms.

She looked so much like him that he couldn't believe it sometimes. She shared his and Jamie's blue eyes and her hair was dark as night, but there was also a lot of her mother in her. Her delicate features were so like her mother that he couldn't help but smile whenever he looked at her. He watched her sigh softly, her teeny little eyelashes fluttering on her cheeks as she slept peacefully in his arms. He wanted to remember this moment; needed to keep and store every memory he could to take with him when he left again.

It had taken over half an hour for him to calm her down. His poor baby girl had a cold and the only way of expressing her discomfort was to cry… and cry and cry. He'd forgotten in the years since Jamie was a baby how helpless it felt to be a parent who couldn't take away all of their child's pain.

Haley had been up twice already that night and when she'd thrown off the covers earlier to get up again, he'd wrapped his arm around her waist, holding her back as he kissed her shoulder and told her to go back to sleep. He'd been away all week leaving Haley home to look after the kids and he was definitely going to do his share of the night duty while he was home. There was a lot he wanted to do while he was home.

He'd already promised Jamie that they would go to the Rivercourt tomorrow with Lucas and then come home to have a picnic lunch with their girls. His son had decided since his dad and Lucas had their own girls to look after, it was his job to look after his sister. Haley was already pitying her daughter having to deal with two overprotective Scott men… what she didn't know was that Lucas had placed himself on that list as well so little Cami would have to get any potential boyfriends past all three of them.

The baby gave a little yawn and he rocked her gently, hoping that she wasn't going to wake. "Now I just need you to stay settled so your mommy can get some rest."

"Well now, don't you have the magic touch?"

Turning with a smile, he found his wife leaning against the door frame watching him with a sleepy smile on her face.

"Eh, what can I say? The girls love me." He whispered with a smirk, then placed a kiss on his daughter's forehead and settled her back in her crib before turning back to his wife. "I thought I told you to get some rest."

"I didn't want to be in there on my own when I knew you were right here across the hall." She offered with a sheepish smile, moving into the nursery and happily moving into his arms.

Nathan sighed, kissing her hair. Although she never complained, he knew that she missed him when he was gone. Just as he missed her. He was so thankful for his career, for achieving the dream he'd worked so hard for all those years and one that allowed him to provide the very best for his family as well as making him happy, but it wasn't easy being away from them so often. It was the one and only drawback that ever made him question his choice to play in the NBA.

"I've missed you." he whispered, running his hands up and down her back softly. He'd arrived home just before dinner and the night had been filled with fun and activity as he caught up with his son and fed and bathed his daughter. By the time both kids were in bed he'd been so on edge with need for his wife that he'd carried Haley to their room and made love to her before they'd even had a chance to say more to each other than 'hello' and 'would you like more potatoes?' since he walked in the door.

Haley turned her face up to look at him in the darkened room illuminated slightly by a little moonlight creeping through the curtains. "I know. I've missed you too. We've all missed you."

Guilt hit him like an arrow through the heart and he knew he'd been unable to conceal his flinching in response to her words.

"Nathan?" she hedged, noticing his change in mood.

"You know how much I hate being away…"

"I know, baby… and I understand." She promised, framing his face. "You need to stop feeling guilty. This is your dream and it's making you happy. That makes us happy and it's the best thing for our family."

"I just feel like I'm letting you down, Hales. I've missed so much. I missed Cami's first tooth, when she first crawled, her first word and now I've missed her first steps… and then there's Jamie. I want to be there for everything. A father should be around every weekend to watch him play sports. I can't imagine how disappointed he is when I can't make it to some of his little league games."

Haley's heart broke for her husband. She knew how much it hurt him to be away from them, always wondering if he was being selfish by choosing this particular career instead of one that would allow him to be home every night for dinner and for the most part he'd made peace with their situation but times like this, when he missed another event like Cami's first steps during the week while he'd been away… his doubts and his guilt would all come back.

"Your son adores you. He is so proud of his daddy." Haley said softly, stroking his cheek as she stared intently into his eyes willing him to see that what she said was true, not just something to ease his guilt. "You are such a wonderful father, Nathan. But not only that, you're an amazing role model for our children. Not only is Jamie proud that his daddy is in the NBA – and ecstatic about all the bragging rights that affords him with his friends – but he saw you battle to get there, baby. He saw how hard you fought to get your dreams back. You could have given up but you didn't. You've worked your ass off to get where you are, Nathan Scott, and we're all so very proud of you."

Reaching up on her toes she kissed him, letting all the love and pride she felt for him flow into her kiss. Nathan wrapped his arms around his wife, needing to hold her close along with her words which had warmed his heart. That's all he wanted in life, to love his family and be loved in return… and to make them proud of him.

Pulling apart they both peered into the crib to find their daughter content for the time being. Haley took his hand, intertwining their fingers and led him back to their room.

Haley climbed into their bed and Nathan slid in beside her, smiling as she practically wrapped herself around him, resting her head on his shoulder. Nathan nuzzled her hair breathing in its fresh scent. "You know, this is one of my favorite things to do. I love just lying here holding you."

"Me too." She murmured kissing the bare skin of his shoulder. "When you're on the road, sometimes the house gets really quiet after the kids are asleep and instead of turning on the television I'll come to bed early and just hug one of your pillows, just hold it like I'm holding you right now and breathe in your scent."

"Yeah? And what do you think about?" he growled low in her ear, running his hand up her side and under her tank top.

"You and your dirty mind, Nathan Scott!" she chuckled.

"Guilty as charged. I have an extremely dirty mind when it comes to women named Haley James Scott. How do you think I survive all of our nights apart? My imagination… and my right hand get a good work out." Nathan knew his words would make her blush, ridiculous after all of these years together but also one of the things he loved about her.

"I know. I'm often on the other end of the phone, remember?" she chuckled, her body tingling just thinking about their frequent forays into phone sex.

"How could I forget? That sexy voice of yours drives me crazy."

His husky voice washed over her and she slipped a leg between his, running her foot up and down his calf as she ran one finger along the waistband of his boxers. "How about we try that thing you mentioned on the phone last week?"

God she was killing him. He was exhausted after his long week and an equally long flight, but he wanted her more than he wanted sleep. He quickly rolled them over so he hovered above her, capturing her lips. Their hands began exploring, caressing their rapidly heating flesh.

At the sound of their daughter's cries, they broke their kiss, Nathan's forehead dropping to her shoulder as he pouted like a child at being interrupted. "What happened to Mommy-Daddy time?"

"I thought we already had some of that tonight." Haley quipped as he rolled off her. She saw his childish pout as she got out of bed and smirked, shaking her head. "You are as bad as your son. Look at that pout!"

"You love it and you know it." He called after her, laughing as she turned at the doorway to stick her tongue out at him.

Nathan placed his hands behind his head smiling. He was so damn happy at that moment. He was home with this family and even though he couldn't always be there he knew he was the luckiest man alive to have Haley and the kids in his life.

"Daddy?" Jamie stood hovering in the doorway.

"Hey, buddy. What are you doing up?"

"Cam-Cam woke me. She cried… again." Jamie responded rolling his eyes as he stepped into the room. The little boy adored his baby sister but often put on a show about how inconvenienced he was by her when he thought she was getting too much attention. He'd been an only child for a long time and sharing the spotlight had taken a lot of getting used to.

"Your sister's sick, Jamie. She's crying because she doesn't know any other way to tell us that she's not feeling well. You used to cry when you were a baby too, but now that you're bigger you can just tell us if you feel sick. Cami can't do that yet."

Haley entered the room, carrying their daughter in her arms. She stopped short just behind Jamie and grinned over the little boy's head at her husband.

"Hmm… looks to me like we might be having a Scott family sleepover."

Jamie looked up at his mother suppressing his grin. He was eight years old and too big to be sleeping in his parents' bed… even if he did still want to. In a reluctant tone he responded. "I'm a big boy now, Mom. I don't need to sleep in here."

Nathan could see the internal battle within his son and decided to give him an excuse. "That's true Jamie, but you're also Cami's big brother and she'd probably sleep better if she knew you were here with her.

"Okay." He offered his agreement with a put upon sigh before running and bounding onto the bed and into his father's arms. The boy's giggles got his sister's attention and she lifted her head from the crook of her mother's neck and turned towards the bed. Seeing her two favorite Scott boys she grinned, squirming to get out of her mother's arms; the baby's previous sluggish discomfort momentarily forgotten at the sight of her father and brother playing. Little Cami was a lot like her brother in that she hated to be left out of anything.

Sitting up against the headboard Nathan watched his family; Haley laughing as she held their baby who was still squirming in her arms and giggling in her adorable baby-babble way at her big brother who was making funny faces at her.

"Dada. Dada." The little girl squealed.

"Okay, munchkin. Go to Daddy." Haley placed her daughter on the bed, the little girl quickly crawling her way over her brother, toppling several times in a mad dash to reach her daddy. Nathan grinned as his daughter wrapped her chubby little arms around his neck and bounced on his lap, too caught up in the excitement to remember how miserable she'd been feeling minutes ago.

Haley knew they should be trying to calm both of their children down but watching her family playing so happily, she didn't have the heart to say anything. She'd just have to deal with two very grouchy children in the morning.

"Come here, Cam-Cam." Jamie wrapped his arms around his sister from behind and took her from Nathan, the baby delighting in all of the attention she was receiving. The boy lifted his sister into the air and blew a raspberry on her stomach; the loud noise and tingling on her skin made the girl squeal with delight and kick her legs excitedly.

"More." She cried, touching her brother's face with her little finger. "Jam-Jam more."

Cami was learning new words everyday but she'd never been able to master her brother's name, instead calling him Jam-Jam. It was his constant failed attempts at correcting his sister which prompted Jamie to start calling her Cam-Cam. He'd told his parents that he was sure she was going to hate the nickname when she got older and according to his friend Chuck, older brothers were supposed to give their sister annoying names.

Jamie blew another raspberry on her belly as requested before pulling away with a sour look on his face and quickly passing the baby off to her mother. "She pooped her diaper again! When are we getting her house trained?"

"Toilet trained, buddy. You toilet train toddlers… you house train pets." Nathan chuckled when Jamie shrugged his shoulders like he didn't really see a difference. "It must have been all those raspberries you were blowing." Nathan joked, ruffling his son's hair knowing just how gross the little boy found diaper changing.

Haley lifted her daughter and did a little sniffing inspection, wrinkling her nose at the odor before turning to her son with a sweet smile. "Yep. Someone needs her diaper changed. Wanna help Jim-Jam?"

"Ew gross! I'm not touching her poo again." Jamie exclaimed moving back further until he was resting against his father's side.

Nathan stifled a chuckle remembering the story Haley had told him a few days earlier where Jamie had offered to help Haley by putting Cami's dirty diaper in the rubbish… only he'd tripped on one of the baby's toys, dropped the diaper and one of his hands had landed on it when breaking his fall. Apparently he'd been washing that hand for a full day before he was convinced he was poop-free. Unfortunately it was just another thing Nathan had missed.

"Okay. Looks like it's just us girls, Cami." Haley cooed as she headed for the door.

"Hey Dad… are you going to be here next week?"

"I will be for some of the week, buddy, but then I have to go for a few days. Why?" He asked, his gut churning just knowing that his son wanted him to be home for something.

"It doesn't matter." He said shaking his head.

"Hey," Nathan said, tipping his son's face up to look at him. "If something's bothering you, then it does matter. What's up?"

Shifting his position so that he sat Indian style facing his father, Jamie sighed. "Well… it's careers day at school next Friday and some of the kids parents are coming to school to talk about their jobs."

Nathan held back a sigh. He would be four states away next Friday. He hated this; hated that he had to let his son down and he could already feel the guilt eating away at his gut. "I'm sorry, Jamie, but I'm not going to be able to make it."

"It's okay. I just thought I'd ask." It was obvious the boy was disappointed, but he wouldn't get mad about it. He was a bright, sensitive child and he understood his father's job and the impact it had on their family. "Mom's job is cool too… and she can talk about when she used to play her music on big stages and stuff. That's pretty cool."

"Your mom's job as a teacher is very cool and we are all proud of her music. I'm sure the kids would love to have her visit your class." Nathan meant every word. He was extremely proud of his wife and all that she'd achieved along with being a mother. It was just hard to muster a lot of enthusiasm when he felt his guilt weighing him down.

"Where's Cam-Cam?" Jamie asked, yawning loudly as Haley entered the bedroom alone.

"I think you guys wore her out. She fell asleep on the change table so I put her in her own bed for the night." Haley replied sliding under the covers next to her favorite boys. She knew her son well and when he bit his lip nervously she could tell he was feeling like his excuse to spend the night in their bed was gone but he didn't want to leave.

"Well this sleepover is getting a little lonely. I hope you'll stay and keep us company. Besides, Cami might wake up again and she'll want her big brother here."

"Alright" he sighed heavily. "I'll stay."

The three of them huddled under the covers, Jamie between both his parents who smiled at each other over the top of his head, trying not to giggle at his little breathy snores. Both of their children were just so damn cute.

* * *

Nathan settled back against the pillows listening to the phone dialing out through his Bluetooth earpiece. He'd already called home earlier and spoken to Jamie and a babbling Cami, but he and Haley usually waited until the kids were asleep before chatting at length.

"Scott Pleasure Palace… how may I service you?"

He chuckled loudly at his wife's antics, and felt his body react to the sexy breathless way she'd answered her phone.

"Hello my beautiful wife. Started up a new business while I've been away?" he asked with amusement.

"Hello my sexy husband. You'd be surprised the kind of money a girl can make if she offers the right… service."

"I'll have to test it out when I come home in a couple of days."

"Oh yes… I'll give you the full service treatment."

"What has gotten into you, Haley James Scott?" Nathan asked, wondering why his wife was acting so… horny. They were always hot for each other but tonight she seemed to be taking their flirting to a whole new level.

"You, Nathan Scott."

"Oh, yeah… well as far as I know I haven't gotten into you in over three days." He smirked when he heard her sharp intake of breath and imagined her cheeks flaming at his comment.

"As much as I'm looking forward to a little phone nookie tonight I have something I need to say to you." Haley stated in a serious voice.

Nathan frowned. "Uh oh. What have I done?" he murmured not too concerned because he couldn't for the life of him think of a single thing he'd done that would piss her off. Not recently anyway but any husband would vouch for how difficult it could be to stay in his wife's good books for any long stretch of time. Sometimes you'd land yourself in the doghouse without even realizing it.

He heard his wife's giggle down the line. "Nothing bad. I just like teasing you."

Nathan scoffed. "Love you too, honey."

"Stop pouting. I can practically see it from here." Haley smiled, imagining her gorgeous husband in his hotel room.

"My wife, the psychic. Now, seriously. What did you need to say?"

"Thank you."

"Thank you? For what?" he asked feigning ignorance even though he knew exactly what she was talking about. He was puzzled however by the fact that he was sure he could hear how choked up she was on the other end of the line. She was supposed to be happy, not teary.

"You know exactly what, you big goof." She murmured, wiping away a few tears. "Jamie's been a little down all week because of this career day thing and even though I understand why you couldn't be there… I could also understand his disappointment."

"I know. I hate letting him down." Nathan replied, thinking of how helpless he's felt in the past.

"What you did for him today was amazing, Nathan. Our little boy is the happiest I've ever seen him. His friends think he's the bee's knees."

"I think you just lost your membership to the 'cool moms club', Hales. I'm pretty sure no one says 'bee's knees' anymore." He joked.

"Oh shut up," she laughed, "And don't try to change the subject. Even though you're a cocky son of a bitch at times… I know how hard it can be for you to take a compliment and I'm not letting you dodge this one. What you did for Jamie today made me so proud of you and I don't know if I've ever loved you more."

Nathan closed his eyes, her words hitting him right in the heart and warming him from the inside out. When he'd seen how disappointed Jamie was that his father couldn't take part in the school's careers day, Nathan had decided he'd do the next best thing. He'd taken a video recorder to training and had the training session filmed where all of his team mates gave a shout out to Jamie and his class. The team's manager had organized enough team jerseys for all of Jamie's class and the team had signed them all. He'd also gotten in touch with the principal of Jamie's school and organized a field trip for the next month where Jamie's class could come to a training session and meet the team. So today instead of leaving it all up to Haley, Jamie's teacher had played the video Nathan provided and handed out the jerseys before informing the class of their field trip. He knew Jamie was ecstatic about how things turned out, but Nathan figured if he couldn't be there in person it was the least he could do.

"It was nothing."

"It wasn't nothing, Nathan. It meant the world to Jamie and it meant a lot to me." Haley said forcefully. She then surprised him by changing her tone to a silky soft whisper, "And when you come home I going to show you just how much."

"Really?… I guess I could handle that." He responded huskily, his mind moving away from his son's career day and to the reason for his call. They'd made a phone date for tonight and he'd been looking forward to it all day. Sometimes he didn't know how he'd survive the time away if it wasn't for their phone calls. Sure he loved their 'phone nookie' as Haley had dubbed it, but it wasn't just that. Some nights all they'd do was just talk about their days and unwind, other times they'd have stupid conversations about ridiculous topics like why did pineapples have spikes? He pitied the people who didn't have a partner that they could just talk to for hours on end.

"So… what are you wearing, Mrs. Scott?"

How did one man get so lucky? Laying there listening to his wife, his body filled with need as his heart filled with love and Nathan realized just how much he loved his life. He had the family of his dreams. The career of his dreams… he really was living his dream. Sure there were some negatives but together with Haley they did their best to overcome them. He missed his family so much when he was away and there were times when he worried he was letting them down so much that his career wasn't worth it, but really, he knew he'd made the right decision to make a comeback to the game.

There would always be times when he wouldn't be able to avoid disappointing Jamie, it came with being a parent, but his little boy knew that he loved him with all his heart and that he could count on his dad. Nathan also knew he'd never be able to get back those 'firsts' he was missing with Cami, but every time he heard the joy in her voice when she heard him on the phone or saw her smile light up when he came through the front door he knew that his daughter felt loved. Besides… his career wouldn't last forever… he and Haley had plenty more time for baby making in their future… Yeah, life was good.


End file.
